The weight of the evil of the world never eases, only becomes more intense

at least youngest gen z and younger than them, that being a YOUTUBER isnt all cracked up to be, ive heard many accounts how alot of them want to be only that, because “its easier to make money”. unless you are rich and wealthy you can attempt to do that and you can afford to fail and do nothing and come up with new ideas, even the current older influencers are wealthy people. and you need staff, producers, original ideas,etc.

only the super old og yotbers are likely not coming from money(minus PPDIE)

The loneliness as all of your loved ones die and your friends disappear.

As a kid I wanted to live forever. As an adult I understand how that would be endless torchure.

I lay here in an empty bed. This time last year I had a wife, 3 cats and a dog. Its been a brutal year to say the least.

That suddenly your job can be taken over by a new technology and your skillset is outdated and your government doesn’t care to further fund your education.

Now you’re getting more tired as you get older and have to compete in a saturated market against young people who are just trying to make it too.

And you will likely work until youre not able to stand for very long.

And then after all that you watch pedophiles give speeches and your country burning in wildfires. And then you get that random “Happy 4th of July” message that makes you drink a long glass of whiskey.

And your hear your cousin is planning her second baby while we all know that the youth for the first time in generations are doing far worse than your parents.

Holy fuck those hormones are a source of unbelievable energy and getting to that feeling you get naturally in your 20s and part of your 30s takes a lot more effort.

That you feel like you woke up in a completely different meat suit, than the one you were used to for 40 odd years. Nothing is the same. Clothes don’t fit the same, you can’t pull off the same styles you once could, you can’t bend or reach the same. Injuries seem to be delivered by someone with a voodoo doll of you and a lifetime of object jealousy. The view from the top of the hill, doesn’t look any different than the incline, they lied to you about that. Your brain and who you are feels the same as your late 20yo brain, but with some well learned lessons under its belt, so you kinda watch everything slide around you, it kinda feels like that time lapse of the fruit rotting. And time moves faster. When you’re 10, one year is a larger portion of your life than one year is, comparatively against 40 odd years, and it literally feels like that. It gets to a point where a year feels like a month. But your emotions and perspective on the world slows down and zooms out, and now you can see the forest for the trees. You realise you were a little brainwashed into thinking certain things mattered, that really really didn’t at all. The flip side of that coin, is knowing what really matters, and appreciating it so much more. You can’t achieve that without trying every biscuit on the tray. My you be blessed with the privilege to learn what it feels like to grow old with yourself. Not all of us do.

staying fit and healthy takes effort.

when you’re a kid, you’re active. you heal fast.

when you’re an adult, you are often sedentary, and injuries heal slowly. you have to work at it, either by choosing a lifestyle that facilitates it or by making time for it.

Hemorrhoids

When you’re young you vow to yourself not to change which as it turns out isn’t that hard. Trouble is the world changes around you. Then you find yourself shaking your fist at the clouds and realize you sound like your parents

Watching my little babies run around the house as big kids is crushing the fuck out of my heart. I love them and they’re all healthy and happy and that’s great but holy fuck its going so fast and they’re gonna leave me and idk what I’m gonna do. Brutal shit.

Your body ages faster than your brain. Your brain says “go ahead, jump!” Your body says, “aw fuck!”

Young people getting dumber.

when you hit about 45, your mental age is currentAge-20 years-ish but doing an activity associated with mental age can come with some surprising consequences, mostly unhappy surprises at that. But as you continue to age you start accepting who are and start making less stupid choices that are associated with how you mentally feel.

You’re tired all the time. You realize there’s degrees of tired and you figure out how to do things at different levels.

Three main things from my personal experience.

1. Sleep is shit. I remember when I was a teen or in my early 20s. I could sleep like a baby for 10 hours straight and wake up like tigger, raring to to, full of vim and vigour. Now I sleep in half hour bites. Each time I wake, I have to change position because some bit or other feels like it’s going to sleep (the irony!) or just hurts. At least once in the night I need to pee. My dreams, at this point, inevitably become some variation of me looking for a toilet and they’re always dirty or broken or something is wrong with them. I wake feeling tired, even if I get 10 hours in bed.

2. Chronic arthritis. I’m not that old (late 50s) but my hips are utterly fucked. I can’t walk for more than a couple of miles before the pain starts. I can’t have steroids because (apparently) my hips might just fall apart. I can’t have hip replacement surgery (Fuck! That’s something old people have done!) because the arthritis isn’t currently sufficiently debilitating.

3. People no longer notice you. When I was younger I was a good looking guy. I had girlfriends who made everyone’s head turn. Women fancied me, men were envious of me. Now, I’m just some old guy. It’s pretty fucking rare that anyone gives me a second glance. I’m just some old guy.