I want to hug OOP so bad ;_; COVID took my dad from us and yeah, it was like that. I want to listen to OOP tell me everything on their mind about their mom… without judging them. Without questioning them. With only accepting them and commiserating. Fuck this timeline and the world we built in it…
To be fair (lol) how can therapy work in an insane and unjust society? Shouldn’t your therapist advice you to join the fascist party since your white and cis anyway, it’s better for your mental health (lol). Here are some pills to make you forget, the alternative is joining the resistance and fighting and likely dying (which is definitely suicidal)
EDIT: Just to be clear, I’m being very sarcastic here, there are always productive things you can do even in these times.
Something like radical acceptance from dbt is my go to for someone with your argument. I can acknowledge injustice and also acknowledge that much of it is out of my control. I can work towards correcting injustice whenever possible but I also have to recognize that fixing everything is far beyond me. For my own mental health I need to be able to recognize when I am ruminating on an issue that cannot be fixed and learn to let go of that attachment to suffering
Alternatively I can be miserable, forever dwelling on injustices that I cannot fix myself. But how does that help change anything? Really would argue it’s just giving the fascist party what they want. If “the resistance” is beaten and broken simply by business as usual then is that not great for them?
In a non political context think of an emergency veterinarian or ER doctor who got into the field because they truly care for animals/people. They undoubtedly will deal with unfair death, seeing the results of abuse, systemic failures about cost of care resulting in premature death or disability, etc. probably on a near daily basis if they live anywhere with people. Should they simply resign themselves to misery because of this cruel and harsh reality? Or should they find a way to let go of the attachments to the misery involved in these tasks so they can do their (very necessary) job that already desperately needs more of people like them
Yeah well said. In a way realizing just how broken our civilization is helped me let go of some personal issues, like demands I put on myself.
But I’m lucky and privileged, I haven’t suffered great traumatizing injustices like OP. I do think it’s an important question how therapists deal with systemic injustice and oppression and environmental collapse on a global scale. I don’t think psychotherapy really developed to deal with this, the ideal would be to get people out of these situation and let them heal. But there is no getting out.
OP is a good example of the psychological terrorism inflicted on most sane people by Trump and MAGA. Deliberate. We’re in an abusive relationship but there is no halfway house and we can’t divorce. People don’t even understand that neoliberalism is driving all this, and most therapists do not either.
So I do think it should be radical acceptance. But there is the dichotomy: Anger gets shit done. People should get angry and channel that anger into productive or well, subversive ways. At least if we want a chance to defeat our “abusers”.
This is a very valid feeling. But it doesn’t sit well in the context of therapy. Like, this is individual therapy dealing with trauma from systemic problems. Like, if it’s outside of my locus of control I can either let it affect me forever or try to do something about it, even if that something is letting go (or even forgiving, as far-fetched as that ideal seems these days). Part of going to therapy is taking agency. There is a problem, in some small way I will do whatever I can about it.
I can’t just be mad with this and raise my mental pitchfork bc this is an illustration of someone rightfully truly struggling and their mental health physician pointing them towards the painful way out. I think the takeaway is less “how could anyone expect anyone to get over anything this heinous” and more one of horrible feeling of trying to hold onto the one thing you’re left with when someone is taken from you like that --anger-- and coming to terms with the fact that that anger is still hurting you long after. Your therapist is not going to start the revolution or the purge for you. They are literally there to help you and you alone with things that trouble you and you alone. When they talk to survivors of abuse as children, rape victims, they aren’t going to go out and slay the offenders, even if they want to. They are just trying to work with the tiniest amount of control a victim still has after the crime to help the victims make real change for themselves.
I guess overall it might not be productive to take that private struggle and put it out to your tumblr mutuals to validate you and build resistance to letting go but Idk. Healing can take many forms.
I am really tired of being emotional being an insult when its a major point of humanity.
The worst part about things like this is when you try to have a conversation like this with your average friend/coworker/acquaintance/etc. they’re all like, “calm down; you’re overreacting”. I’m like, “no, fuck you; you’re underreacting! People DIED.”
Has anyone else over the age of 35 notice a major shift the past couple of decades regarding how little people care about literally anything? It’s like humanity as a whole have turned into emotional zombies. You can’t even say hi to strangers in public anymore. They just stare at you like, “who are you and why the fuck are you talking to me”? It’s so bizarre compared to how people used to be in the 90s and 2000s. Nobody even wants to make eye contact with anyone anymore, let alone wave as you pass each other down the street. Not unless you’re someone they know.
It’s as if people forgot how to communicate with each other outside of the internet… Is it just me? Maybe I just have a bitchy resting face. IDK. But anyway this YT Short perfectly exemplifies exactly want I mean. (Piped link)
Today I saw someone on my morning walk, he said hi, I said hi back, and then he reacted like I hadn’t responded and got pissed off at me (“I guess its NOT a good morning, then!”). Every single human interaction outside my intimate circle makes me feel horrible. This guy just chose not to hold up his part of the bargain. It’s like he chose to react badly, no matter what I actually did.
Nobody even wants to make eye contact with anyone anymore
idk about you but i’m heavily autistic
So am I but I still force myself do it because I don’t want everyone to think I’m an asshole.
they’re all like, “calm down; you’re overreacting”. I’m like, “no, fuck you; you’re underreacting! People DIED.”
Worst part is the response I’ve gotten from this. “It was just some old people and those that would have died anyway from something else.”
Has anyone else over the age of 35 notice a major shift the past couple of decades regarding how little people care about literally anything?
Until it impacts them personally, yes. Knew someone who thought covid was a common cold (had relatives with mild symptoms of any), then they caught it and it rocked them. Suddenly it wasn’t anything to make fun of anymore. If they didn’t have bad symptoms, they still wouldn’t care.
It’s as if people forgot how to communicate with each other outside of the internet… Is it just me?
Definitely not just you.
“it was just some old people…”
This experience has permanently damaged my patience for alleged “human beings”. I’m with you on this, on how much it sucked, because my dad was once if those old people. This fucking plague killed him when he could’ve had at least a decade more to enjoy in life… My mother had just had a stroke and she needed him more than ever right when he got taken away. Now, every time I ever hear about someone dying, the math happens automatically in the back of my mind before I even get to recognize that it’s happening:
Was the person who died at least as good a person as my father?
Because if not, fuck em.
I have no patience for the continued existence of anyone who isn’t at least as kind, patient, generous, or warm as him. Which means VERY NEARLY every single fucking Republican. If they all died i would feel NOTHING. not even relief. But especially not grief. THEY DID THIS. I have nothing for them but revulsion. There is now a stark cutoff in my perception beyond which absolutely NOTHING matters. Only things that are better than that threshold are worth while. Literally everything else is beneath my attention.
Anything that is not at least going well enough, beneficially enough, to exist above that threshold, i have no time for. No room for in my perceptual horizon. I am one bad week from writing off all of existence and going out with maximal sabotage.
we’re turning into homogenised soup. Endless parade of milquetoast pillows with beige opinions and the depth of a puddle. Where is your passion. Where is your rage. “omg u so confrontational” I am human. if you cannot deal with a normal range of human emotions you are fucked
Black Americans are still mad about racism, too
As they should be
This was a pretty good podcast episode talking about the limitations of individual therapy has in addressing systemic issues and how it can be changed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2z9o7kcW4I
Yeah, it’s a bit fucked to call things “unprocessed anger” etc etc when the things that caused what we’re angry about are at best still happening and more likely getting worse.
I’ve seen certain politicians described as “too angry” before their eventual replacement. You know what, I want an anger politician, just one who is angry about real issues. I want somebody who realizes how shitty things are for the average citizen and wants them to change, then gets angry at the fuckers who sit with their thumbs up their ass with thoughts, prayers and empty platitudes while collecting massive paycheques (and bribes) then actively calls them out.
Note that this doesn’t mean I want a dumbass who complains about "foreign smoke " or lies and abuses issues while acting like a petulant toddler who didn’t get their way out or personally profit, I just want somebody who actually cares and if they do… then fuck yes they should actually be angry about the way things are and the direction they’re going.
One family living down the road from me lost an adult son to COVID because the 3 men of the house, father & 2 sons, believe(d) that the vaccine makes men sterile and of course they refused to wear masks. Despite mandates against large indoor gatherings, the family opted to have a funeral service with 100+ people packed into the church. A bunch of attendees ended up with COVID in the week or two following, one of which died. Very likely, the bulk of those folks got it at the funeral, as there are photos showing that almost nobody was wearing a mask nor social distancing.
Another set of neighbors, the wife was homebound due to poor health, but otherwise she still managed keeping up with yard and house work, cooking, cleaning, taking care of herself, etc. The husband spent his days of retirement out gallivanting with his buddies, hanging out unmasked and unvaxxed at bars, and places like that. The wife who never left the house, ended up with COVID. Pretty obvious he gave it to her considering he was feeling under the weather the prior week and she never left the house, but since he refused to take a COVID test, he would insist he never had it. She survived, but it left her physically and mentally disabled, not really able to take care of herself, forcing him to become her care taker. Then he passed away, largely due to ignoring his health and troubling signs.
I know I should be angry, but mostly I’m sad.
The problem is there’s no accountability anywhere. I’m a bit older so for me it’s been 9/11, Iraq with WMD lies, Afghanistan Taliban replaced by the Taliban, Arming the Latin Cartels, Panama Papers, COVID, Epstein Files, Bailouts for Wallstreet, there are more for sure but nobody is ever held to account for anything. The bigger the lie the bigger the corruption the more it just gets swept away like nothing happened. It causes you to lose faith in your country and die a little inside each time. So I get it.
Dude I’m older than you, so I remember all that, as well as Iran-Contra, AIDS, Watergate (the last scandal for which there were consequences), Vietnam, My Lai, Nixon, the Arab Oil Embargo, the insane inflation of the 70s, Kent State, a whole bunch of assassinations, the Iran Hostage Situation, and a lot more.
Imagine over 60 years of seeing your government so all sorts of stupid things, with virtually no consequences at all (except Watergate, a little bit).
Sorry brother, guess it’s par for the course.
The problem isn’t anger nearly so much as “What are you going to do with that rage?”
And the answer seems to be “Go on the internet and type in all caps at other people!” Which… hey, I guess that works. We seem to have a lot of very angry people online and they do seem to be venting their frustration at one another very effectively.
We also have a growing number of police, military recruits, and paramilitary forces who also spend a bunch of time online working themselves up into terrified rage. And then they get to go out with guns and batons and tear gas to square off against civilians who have been terrified in turn.
Then we have a congo line of politicians show up to say “Vote for me and I will end the terror!” And then we get an even bigger police and paramilitary state, which maybe gets used to suppress the political opponents some of the time. But mostly just gets used to attack the homeless, round up immigrants, and bomb brown people living abroad. So now the whole world can feel terrified and angry. And we can be terrified and angry of that in turn.
Just speaking for myself (as someone who tends to go online and speak in all caps) I think that is perhaps a better way to deal with my rage at the world than taking it out on other people in the real world, or picking up a gun and shooting at other people in the real world.
It might annoy the people at whom I am speaking in all caps, but on the other hand at least no innocent bystanders end up with bullet wounds in them.
It takes money to be batman.
Batman isn’t real. But we’ve got a bumper crop of Lex Luthors.
Kirkland branded Dr evils
That’s a weird therapist.
Okay this was definitely the best thing to see first thing when I got in the internet when I got home from a funeral
Sorry for your loss. And as this post says, feel free to feel all the emotions you might be experiencing now.
I don’t know how close you were to the deceased, but I’m sure with time, and being surrounded by your loved ones (be them either people, or pets) I’m sure you’ll be able to eventually get through this.
… Unless the funeral you’re coming from is Lindsey Graham’s, in which case, join me in cheer and joy:
I work in the brain injury field (long term rehab). It’s uncanny how similar it is. Post injury, you get two varieties: They recognize they’ve suffered the trauma, but refuse to acknowledge deficits or are completely incapable of registering the injury in any way, shape, or form.
I’m astounded as to how many of them that are high functioning fall into the ‘there was no COVID’ crowd.
Crazy: The government planned COVID! Me: This government couldn’t plan a fucking beer run.
One of the most insightful comments I’ve heard, iirc from thecollectress on Instagram (hope I got her username right, it’s been a while), is that the emphasis on maintaining a non-confrontational nature is a core component of white supremacist thinking (and by extension, capitalist thinking). That it’s more important not to upset anyone than it is to argue for righteousness.
“The obnoxious peace which is the absence of tension, rather than the righteous peace which is the presence of justice” and all that.
