I have been diagnosed with depression and ADD. I feel like a lot of their symptoms partially bleed over into autism. I am also incredibly anxious when it comes to social interactions.
I feel like I have a decent amount of behavioural symptoms like getting upset when plans change, not liking when things are moved from where I put them, some sensory things (ex. the sound of velcro tearing, gloves rubbing against the skin at the base of my fingers, I hate making sound when I walk in public, and so on), self-stimming, getting really invested in certain niche topics, and avoiding eye contact.
There are some parts where I don’t feel like I match at all. I would say I’m better than most people at reading people’s emotions. I am good with social cues and nonverbal communication. I just over think everything afterwards.
Getting help for my depression and ADD was a lot of work and I felt like I essentially had to coach them into giving it to me so I’m just not sure if it would be worth the effort. The only benefit I could see is a better sense of self-identity but I already have a major case of imposter syndrome when it comes to what I’ve been diagnosed with and I feel like that would be even worse with autism due to the stigma that surrounds it. People saying “You don’t have autism because we chitchat all the time at work” would feel like a real kick in the nuts. I have been able to force myself to mask or get over some of the issues I’ve mentioned above so far.
Sorry if any of this seems improper. I really don’t want to sound like someone who took a “What mental illness are you?” Buzzfeed-style quiz as a medical diagnosis or someone making unfair stereotypes.
I had this same debate with myself earlier this year, after speaking with several therapists and a doctor that specializes in autism diagnoses, I decided the time and money to get diagnosed was not worth it.
For me, I considered how I was struggling and whether a therapist could help. I struggle with overstimulation, but a therapist can’t do much for that; I addressed it by getting noise cancelling headphones and wearing sunglasses inside. I struggle with burnout, but a therapist can’t do much for that; I had a frank discussion with my boss and we agreed to reduce my work hours and I started saying “no” to social events that would be too draining. I stim and hyperfocus but I don’t find those problematic. I’m extremely lucky that although I have poor social skills and no friends, I am not lonely and don’t feel like I need to make any adjustments to my personality to make friends, this might be one area where a therapist could help.
My point is that, autism is something where you can’t treat it overall, you can only treat the “symptoms”, so narrow down what is causing you stress and look for solutions. If an autism diagnosis requires meeting a threshold for 6 issues, but you only have 5, that doesn’t mean you can’t get help for those 5 things. A therapist may be able to help with that and if you want them to see you as autistic, just say you’re autistic. I doubt they’ll ask for any proof and if they push it just say you were a kid when you got diagnosed and you don’t have any paperwork. I’ll say that in my experience, the most important aspect of therapy is getting the right modality and this can be tough. It can be difficult to find providers that don’t just do CBT and sometimes they aren’t very good about discussing what you really need they’ll just do whatever they are trained to do. I found it really helpful to go to Psychology Today’s website and see all the different modalities that existed, then researching what each of them were and thinking about which may be best for me.
Try not to get hung up on the idea of getting that diagnosis. There’s a school of thought that diagnoses are a capitalist construct that aids a doctor in getting paid by giving them a billing code to submit to your insurance company.