I’m a transmasc demiboy, but I don’t really like to present myself very masculine. I still love wearing skirts, I like painting my nails, even wearing light makeup.
I’m not happy about the idea of having facial hair or a deeper voice, which is why I have not yet started HRT, even though I’ll probably need to in some capacity since I do want phalloplasty in the future.
I also have no desire for top surgery since I don’t want to lose sensation in my nipples, and I don’t want to have scars on my chest. They don’t bother me anyway, they’re small (about an A cup). Just about the only masculine thing I do is that I cut my hair short, not super short, but still shorter than what would be considered feminine.
Is this normal? Does anyone else have similar experiences? I’ve been told I don’t act enough like a boy and that I need to be more masculine.
as i understand it, being told to behave more like a man is a common experience of being a boy, so seems like you’re doing it right to me
slightly depressing jokes aside, your identity isn’t determined by how you dress yourself, it’s determined by what you say and believe you are
that said, not everyone is able to discern the distinction. that doesn’t mean they’ll never understand… but it might require your own rock solid belief in what you are, and explaining the difference, for some people to understand it
it’s a harder path, especially if you want people to understand you and see you how you are… it’s easier to be gender conforming for a reason, you know? but you can take that information into account and act according to your preferences, balancing between your expression and your desire to conform. there’s no wrong answer
for what it’s worth, it’s a reasonably common sentiment that i’ve heard amongst transmascs, to enjoy feminine expression a lot more post transition. usually reluctantly expressed due to a desire to pass
for myself, i was content to dress quite femininely for a long time. recently, i’ve started working out and putting on muscle, which i’ve enjoyed a lot… but it does make dressing in a pretty way very challenging. i got too big for over half of my wardrobe… sigh. i’ll get back to it, one day
as a last note, phallo doesn’t require HRT as a prerequisite, the way meta does. unless, of course, your doctor specifically requires it, which is fairly commonplace but unfortunate. i imagine that’s the case for you, but i figured i’d include this note on the slim chance it wasn’t
hope this all helps you on your journey