What I notice is that you are the one in the relationship who ultimately has responsibility for making sure the dishes get done. That means planning, delegating, following up when tasks don’t get done, and doing it yourself if it ends up not getting done.

It sounds like you’re also responsible for the cooking, which probably also includes planning, shopping, gathering ingredients, organizing the pantry, delegating, and finally the act of cooking itself.

I’m just trying to point out the high amount of mental load and management responsibilities involved in these two tasks.

On the other hand, he gets the benefit of the output of your hard work – the distilled and delegated task of just washing the pots, pans, etc. It probably only takes 10 minutes, and he already knows exactly what to do, who needs to do it, etc.

Just from what you’ve said here, it sounds like he’s getting a really good deal, only needing to do a short delegated task and then getting to go play video games. And he’s skipping even that short task.

Whether he does it in the evening or morning clearly makes a huge difference because the task is required before making breakfast, otherwise the pots and pans get in the way. He needs to understand that.

I don’t know what else is going on in your relationship and who is responsible for what other tasks. It sounds like you’re saying that other chores are just as bad. Overall it seems really unfair to me.