I have an issue where I push too hard to be equal in all things. This leads to me asking to reciprocate oral sex when it is offered even when my partner just wants to give but not receive.
It leads to her being upset that I don’t just want a blowjob. I do very much want and enjoy the blowjob but I feel bad in just taking.
Overall when we have sex it is amazing and I definitely take care of her needs but when oral is offered my responses are viewed as being less than 100% satisfied with the offer.
We have discussed it and I know I shouldn’t look a gift blowjob in the mouth but I can’t stop myself sometimes. How should I discuss or just shut myself up in my brain and just accept things don’t always have to be tit for tat?
This isn’t looking a gift horse in the mouth. That would be asking her how long the blowjob is going to be or something like that. Have a read about martyr complexes. It sounds more intense than it is, but that’s probably closer to this situation. Basically just sacrificing your own wants for others.
It gets frustrating when you assume other people’s wants and don’t listen to what they’re telling you. Maybe you’ve been brought up to not be forthcoming with your desires, and you think she’s being polite when she refuses? It’s a hard thing to overcome because people genuinely do refuse things they want, out of politeness. Maybe you could think of a codeword between yourselves, that indicates you’re being completely truthful and not telling a white lie or anything. But don’t overuse the codeword!