wife is alcoholic. standard mean girl. i am lonely. ten years married. my first wife died in my arms when I was 31. many years older now but I still miss the days when I was good enough. just good enough. not just a paycheck. when I was worth being attracted to even. i am tired of living check to check. being told to bring home a “juice box of wine.” being gaslit if I bring up my concerns. or my worries. or my stresses or self care.

am i meant to be here to be a paycheck and transportation and a pin-cushion when someone needs a punching bag.

i just want to sleep and wake up and be enough to someone.

  • N0t_5ure@lemmy.worldEnglish
    20·
    14 days ago

    Cut your losses and get out. I was in a toxic marriage for over 20 years and it almost killed me. I’m single now, and much happier. It gets better.

    • flandish@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      3·
      14 days ago

      i honestly think it’s hope things will change and money. i adore my (adult now) stepkids too. sigh.

      • partial_accumen@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        14 days ago

        This is really above the paygrade of randos on the internet, but if you’re looking for internet rando advice start with what you said here:

        when I was worth being attracted to even.

        We don’t know exactly what you’re lacking now that you had then, but you clearly have a good idea. Make the changes you are capable of in yourself first. I’m not talking about suddenly looking like a movie star. Thats unrealistic even for the best of us. What I mean is: be worth it in your deeds an actions.

        • Set a goal for yourself
        • Map out a plan of steps you need to accomplish your goal
        • Execute the plan

        Notes:

        • Start with a small goal to get the pattern down and prove to yourself you can do it (you can!). It may be as small as goal of cleaning up your desk and organizing it. Do the 3 steps. Then set another goal. Rinse. Repeat.
        • Don’t tell people you’re setting these goals and doing this work. Just do it for yourself. Your results will speak for themselves. Its been shown that if you tell others your goals, you frequently don’t follow through. I experience this myself firsthand.

        Be the person you know you can be that is worth being attracted to. I know you can do this!