First of all, I am an expat who has been living abroad for 9 years now.
Two years ago I meet a wonderful woman who is also form my home country, she has been living here a lot less time than I have (about a year by the time we meet).
About two month into our relationship she gave me an ultimatum, it was with kids or nothing.
I asked her for a few weeks to think about it and after deciding that she was the one, I decided to continue our relationship and started planning on common goals. Months went by and it was truly an amazing time, we really love each other.
Part of our life plans involved us moving in together in 2024. Before that happened, she decided to travel back to our home country to spend christmas and new year’s with her family and get some paperwork done.
While she was there, she called me one day and told me that she wanted us to move back to our home country and continue our live together there, however I do not want that, at all.
Not only it would be very expensive for me to move back, but it would be very difficult for me to find a job in my field. Here I have a high paying job, plus I own a house ideal to raise kids.
Education and quality of life is one of the best in Europe. And I really really do not want to go back to a shithole country.
She insists on her plan and gave me yet another ultimatum, I kinda already made up my mind, but I really do not know how to even start the conversation.
How can I approach this?
Personally I think it’s always best to accept an ultimatum (as in, bye Felicia) part of having a grown-up relationship is being able to communicate, discuss and compromise with your partner. You have to tell her that you’re not interested in moving back, It’ll be easier to do it sooner rather than later. Not living together makes this a lot easier
Indeed, I think ultimatums are not part of a healthy relationship. I kinda accepted the first one because it was something I wanted too.
However, I am terrified of starting this conversation, honestly, I am almost 37 and I do not know how to handle this feelings
Its daunting of course, but don’t waste any more time with the wrong person, you might miss the right person