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Cake day: May 6th, 2025

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  • My (now)-ex.

    She stayed by me, through thick and thin, as my ex came close to ruining my life. She begged for me to leave, she even went toe to toe with my ex as violence entered our relationship, so many situations where she had my back, without care for own safety. I just couldnt leave, I still love the person my ex was (and at times, still is - but the alcohol slowly won the war), we have a child together and years of memories, its still hard to completely let go. There was one time too much, one time where I saw in her eyes she couldnt do it anymore, and she walked away. And useless me just watched, crushed those emotions deep inside and went on.

    My ex, is my ex, not because I was strong enough to walk away in the end, but because my ex decided they had had enough of me, and blamed me for their alcoholism.

    I know our friendship is dead and gone Lisa. But thank you for being there. It helped to not be alone during most of that time.








  • I am a scientist and I used to use SAS for stats, and then started doing loads of bioinformatics in R. Institute decided they werent going to license SAS anymore, and didnt tell us. We get an email the day of, to say no more SAS. Then we have to drop evrything and concert all our SAS models into R… Cue bitching from instiute leaders as to why we had to halt all publications. Idiots.





  • Dysphoria is a reeeeeeal bitch, and undermines the best of days. I was out and about having a fantastic saturday shopping for a new outfit. I am trying on a few dresses when I hear a store attendant yell, “this the womens changing room, please leave now!!” I just froze, half naked and all the dysphoria hit. I then hear someone yell back, “I dont care, I am trying on womens clothes”. You would think I would be relieved that it wasnt me.

    I walked out and it felt like the whole world was staring at me. All my joy and confidence was sapped for the rest of the day. I havent been misgendered in over a decade, live freely as myself… And yet. My daughter, she holds me up so much.