All pills are placebos. It’s all within your mind. Cure all your ailments with Oracle™ Miracle Tonic!

That’s why no one ever comes over to visit

Should the store bought variety be refrigerated too? Cause I go through a large jar of the stuff every month and it just stays on my table

Change the name to Star Trek and get a crew together composed of beings from around the universe and a black lady. To explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, yadda yadda yadda…

God: I want to smite them all and fuck off to Rigel 7.

Jesus: Please don’t.

Not only that but my shit talking is unmatched!

She must have gotten up to move as he was painting this picture. Like a camera with a slow shutter.

Trump has already showed judges are powerless and the law is meaningless. Tell the judge to rip it out if he wants it badly enough

If I ever get on MasterChef I’m making this for Gordon Ramsay

I’m going to leave work 1.3ms early

Is your setup so you can cover it if it rains too much? I keep mine in pots for the same reason but to move it under a dense shrub. Keeping them dryer this year has really improved the fruiting on mine, just hope they ripen all the way.

The kind that would lay waste to an entire quadrant for just one drop.

I am a strict humanitarian. I only eat humans.

“I thaid my mowf is fuh of beez!”

The whole world is terrorized by assholes

My Temu order coming in as expected

In America, once a child is born they immediately become invisible to republicans. Maybe we should be raising them in the way of the Shinobi?

You can’t spell “no reason” without “nooners” ;)

Charge them rent and use that money to buy a social media company.

I’m convinced Tiberius was just an introvert. It’s easy to make up crazy things about a person that stays in and reads on a Friday night.