I work with ppl with suicidal ideation and past suicide attempts, if you think it is serious, please seek medical assistance, generally speaking having plans and carrying out the plans is considered decently serious. If that’s not something you want to do there are other things you can try, usually physical activities can help a decent bit, or leaving the house to go to somewhere with lots of people and just let everything stimulate the sense can also help.

I’m in a similar position, let me just summarize a few thing I concluded.

1. There’s a big difference between the Communist Party of China’s policies and what your “average” Chinese think it’s right, and despite what west keep saying, CPC is actually way too laxed on some aspect of control. Your average person wouldn’t bother to understand theories and would only understand their own living conditions, which is fine since that’s one of the main aspects of Communism, but they have no ways of really understand how to achieve said prosperity. There are decent amount of degenerates and Nazbols in China as well, but long as they don’t cross the line CPC leave them be. Having the system be on the right side of history is what matters.
2. For your second point about “prestige” school it actually has been a talking point since the Deng era reforms, the school, while prestigious, isn’t state owned, again long as they don’t break any laws CPC won’t crack down on it. As for wether you think the Deng era reforms are right, well I’m pretty sure most of the people on this site agrees with it and I won’t post an essay on wether I think it’s right you would have to do your own research.
3. Chinese right wing nationalists wants everything none Chinese out of the country. National extremists are right wing no matter what, doesn’t matter if they come from a left wing country or support a left wing government, CPC doesn’t support their idea, they are openly enacting policies that benefits everyone not just themselves at the expenses of others like right wings governments.

In conclusion, it literally matters not at all at what some incel online says or does, long as CPC is on the right track I support China, and in the unlikely event that China is no longer run by CPC then I would have zero attachment to that country and it’s people.