Thank you, I needed this.

Fun fact: on September 26, 1983, an officer in the Soviet millitary, Stanislav Petrov made a good decision. He oversaw the early-warning system for the Soviet nuclear arsenal. His warning system’s computer signalled that five American missiles were incoming. So he had to make a decision - does he report the missiles to his superiors? If he did, the Soviet military likely would launch a retaliatory nuclear strike.

Petrov decided the reports were false. Thank goodness he did, because 2.5 billion lives were at stake.

Happy Monday y’all.

Yesterday was theatre day with the boyfriend. I was on four hours of sleep but was a good show.

After I gave him the ultimatum about if the relationship continues to be one-sided, I’m leaving, he’s stepped up more. He wrote me a card, gave me a single rose, and chocolate. The card included a sentence along the lines of,

“My libido hasn’t been controlled as the downstairs is always saying how’s it going.”

Like WHAT THE FUCK, you could have just said that I turn you on or something WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

and, “Hope you are doing great and cupid’s arrow has come flying your way.” HOPE YOU ARE DOING GREAT BECAUSE THE TACIT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF MY EMOTIONS ISN’T THERE, LIKE WHO THE FUCK HOPES THAT YOU’RE DOING GREAT IN A CARD SUPPOSED TO EXPRESS ROMANTIC LOVE, THAT IS SO DISTANT.

“Get ready for some loving because it’s coming your way” like you’re so desperate to prove that you love me in the way I want to be loved?

The whole card just sounded like he was so unsure of himself and felt superficial. He could’ve just stuck with the I love you part and I would’ve been more convinced by it.

I know I might deserve someone more observant and thoughtful who I don’t have to ask to do nice things for me, but it’s fucking hard to leave. Every time I think about the prospect of leaving, I get extremely anxious because I don’t want to leave but perhaps it’s what I need. You can’t always get what you want, but sometimes, if you try, you can get what you need.

I think this is the weirdest card I’ve ever received.

I wish I could but I already gave him the tickets :(

Rookie mistake

I might be breaking up with my boyfriend the next time I see him.

I think I put in much more effort. I go to his house because I have my license (he never got his). He doesn’t text me to make sure I get home safe, so I might as well have just left his house and see how long it took him to notice I wasn’t reaching out to him. On that note, I generally am the one to reach out first. Listen to him talk about himself and his interests. Today I listened to him explain about how a sound mixer works because he was so excited about it. Yet the whole card thing. He couldn’t even write me a bloody card after he said he would.

Most recently, he’s been ignoring my text messages if I’ve sent long stretches of messages. He will leave me on read for ages or just not reply, which makes me feel like he doesn’t give a shit about him. And today when I brought it up, he just said, “Do you want me to go back and read all of those from ages ago?” making me feel like I was in the wrong. Not even a “I’ll reply later”. His excuse was that he gets overwhelmed by long stretches of text. HOWEVER, if I ask something about him or his day, he has no trouble talking about that. Selfish prick.

I got so pissed at him today that I gave him an ultimatum over fucking text message. I told him why I was mad and said if he doesn’t step up his game, we are over. We have a musical to go with tickets THAT I GOT HIM FOR HIS BIRTHDAY and then I AM FUCKING DONE! I AM GOING TO SUCCEED IN LIFE AND I AM NOT GOING TO LET ASSHOLE IMMATURE BOYS STOP ME.

Thank you and good night.

DRAMATIC EXIT in style of ANGSTY TEENAGER

Not a teenager but I almost feel like one right now sadly. I shouldn’t have to revert back to such an awful period in my life.

I might go and get my nails done (even though that’s kinda silly and I’ve never done that) and head to the gym to feel better.

I’m already tutoring whilst working in retail and am sacrificing doing bigger retail shifts on the days that I tutor. I also volunteered on an online educational forum for about five years helping kids with questions relating to VCE and science.

People with office jobs who didn’t want an office job, how did you get to where you are? I am an ADHDer (and yes I know I can’t use it as an excuse) who wants to get into teaching but I’m being discouraged by basically everyone and I also want to consider my options. But I don’t see myself sitting at a desk for ages at a time.

Also, second question incoming. I saw some people on the beach today hitting a ball back and forth with bats that looked like cricket bats but the top of the bat was shaped like a lacrosse one. So imagine a cricket bat with a lacrosse shaped head. Does anyone know what this kind of bat is? Just a special cricket bat?

That would be the ultimate banger on your Spotify Wrapped.

Thank you to all the people who gave me words of wisdom yesterday. I love this little community. And it’s nice to have people on my side. 🫶

I’ve got some self-care to do. Unread books, movies to watch, doggo to pat, new gym to try. Yesterday my dad made me stand in the green waste bin to squash down the leaves and branches. It’s the little things.

These bad feelings will pass. I will feel moments of joy again. I will focus on me and ultimately live the life I want to live. I will be okay.

P.S. I’m plugging this now, if you’re into seeing your music listening stats - last.fm! Also good to keep up with what friends are listening to (and see who listens the most)!

Thanks for your advice. I’m definitely going to ease up a bit.

This is honestly the vibe rn https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=WEAFgJ0Wcla4-cR7&fbclid=PAAaY4uVT7L-bN7IITbCJUluOyIwaa1NeAjX2sIU0B7qegtbiu_7A3sforpQg&v=L5ZL84PHiTY&feature=youtu.be

Saw the boyfriend today. He asked me why I didn’t tell him how I felt when I gave him his present because I told him it was fine then but sent a text saying how hurt I was two weeks later. So what I took from that is maybe I should be more open with my emotions in the moment. I did say it is tricky for me to pinpoint how I feel and that the emotions and thoughts don’t come to me until I’ve had some time alone. I think this is something I could work on in therapy. I didn’t think alexithymia was something I struggled with but maybe that is actually the case.

I ended up saying don’t worry about the card (he still hadn’t done it) but discussed a little about our expectations about important dates. Didn’t mention my birthday which is still a few months away (does he even remember when my birthday is lol) but he did bring up Valentine’s Day and said we should go out for it which is cool.

He apologised for hurting my feelings too and I just felt overwhelmed and almost burst into tears. I feel weird showing raw emotion in front of him for some reason.

All I can focus on is the way I express my emotions because other people have noticed mood swings.

But all in all, progress.

We will be one big happy family

Yes it is. Good memory!

Thank you :)

Yeah exactly, it’s not even about the gift giving itself. It’s about the needs

Thank you. I’m talking to him about it first and if he makes excuses, he’s done. Out the window.

Thanks for this. I sent a message including what you said, and because I have a lot of emotions swirling around, I said that I deserve better and if it means that I break up with him for that to happen, then I will.

I feel like he will use his dyslexia as an excuse again or say something like, “I didn’t know what you wanted.”

He didn’t ask his mum what she wanted and still got her something.

I know he gives presents to his immediate family. He literally sent me a message saying what he got for Christmas as well.

My birthday is four months away. I don’t know if I can wait that long.

When the rainbow lorikeets say it’s time to wake up, it’s time to wake up.

My boyfriend didn’t get me anything for Christmas, but I got him something. We have been dating for six months. I got him something for his birthday as well.

It’s not even the fact that I didn’t receive some object. It’s just that he probably didn’t even think of me, until I gave him something. I told him a card is fine, and now he’s saying he’s still drafting it because of his difficulties with spelling. It’s been two and a half weeks.

I’m going to attempt to talk to him about this without sounding like an asshole