“For reasons we can’t explain, we are losing her. We don’t know why. She has lost the will to live.”

— ChatGPT Medical Droid

Seriously, I went to Kohl’s yesterday and got two pairs of jeans, two shirts, and a pack of socks. The total was over $200 USD, and that includes sales.

I ended up returning the jeans and socks. If I were a fish I wouldn’t have legs anyway.

Turkey? Dude, his name’s Laserbeak.

You and your lizard are awesome. He looks like a little alien—I’m glad E.T. found home.

During COVID, I went a bit mad and got really into collecting Transformers action figures. I’m still not entirely sure why. One day I just bought one on a whim, and before I knew it my closet was full of unopened, mint condition toy robots.

Anyway, Christmas rolls around and I see a flyer for a local toy drive. A sudden compulsion hit me, so I loaded up my entire stash and donated the lot. Just like that, the spell was broken. Not even Soundwave was spared.

To this day, nobody in my life knows that I spent thousands of dollars on plastic crack, only to foist my addiction on some poor, unsuspecting kids. I like to imagine the War for Cybertron rages on in their hearts.

Will the real SLLM Shady please stand up?

Fun fact: While shooting this scene, Peter Jackson wanted Sir Christopher Lee to scream. However, Lee corrected Jackson: “Have you any idea what kind of noise happens when somebody’s snuck up on by a tree? Because I do.”

The Shakespeare veteran then proceeded to give an in-depth summary of the Battle of Dunsinane.

Surely this AAA-budget live service game with a terrible premise won’t faceplant immediately and force us to close the studio…but let’s make it an MMO, just to be safe.

Can you burn a Jeezi board?

That’s funny, I just watched a Tasting History episode that advised against death by misadventure.

Man, I don’t know what I’d do without Aldi. Ironic that the best grocery chain in America is European, when the American Grocery Store used to be such a symbol of U.S. prosperity.

I had to dissect a bunch of things in high school: a frog, a pig fetus, a cow heart, a cat… I’m still not entirely sure what the intent was. “Yup, the brain is in the right spot. Always good to check, just in case.”

If they want to teach kids knife skills they should do so in home ec. At least make something edible.

086-07-5309

Sorry, best we can do is a premium (expensive) ad-free tier that still advertises our own products.

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Man, dimly-lit scenes have been a pet peeve of mine for years. Every time Law & Order is on, I can’t help yelling “turn a light on!” at the screen. Maybe they’d be able to solve the murder faster if they could actually see shit.