“Spearing ham on a broom handle” is how I refer to my bachelor days.

Sad that I can’t tell if that’s a Trump supporter or not…“He didn’t mean me, I’m one of the good ones!”

Might be a typo? A donor phlebotomy technician is one who specializes in drawing blood from donors, I guess as opposed to ones who do the lab work.

I struck up a conversation with a guy at a bar one time, turned out he was an animal control officer and the county shelter had just had a bad outbreak of parvovirus. He said he had spent the whole week just euthanizing dogs from sunup to sundown. He looked rough.

Hospital security guard. Had to help hold down suicidal mental patients so the nurses could put restraints on them. Had to escort counselors from Child Protective Services when they were collecting babies from the maternity ward, so that angry family members didn’t attack them in the parking lot. Had to help wheel bodies down to the loading dock when the mortician came to collect them. Had to stop grieving relatives from trying to rush the ER or operating room when their loved one was on the table.

I quit after walking into the ER one time to see one of my coworker guards getting a wound on his neck examined while the other guard said, “Dude, you just missed the excitement! Lenny just got bit by a crackhead!”

I work with a Burl (short for Burlin) and he’s probably pushing 70…haven’t seen any Horaces around lately, though. For a lady, Constance.

Just got our small sailboat put away for winter storage. Tomorrow, driving a couple hours back to my hometown to visit my grandma who was recently diagnosed with cancer. On Sunday, maybe I will get around to fixing the loose step on our back deck. Or maybe I will put it off for another week.

I feel like “don’t try to get with your kid’s best friend’s mom” is also an option that should be on the table.

That said, don’t go the Facebook friend route. The intent is too ambiguous and doesn’t get you any closer to your goal. I’d favor either the direct approach (the classic, “would you like to go out for a drink sometime?”) or tie it to an activity you’d both be doing already anyway (“My son and I are going out for pizza after the t-ball game, would you and your son like to join us?” (I don’t know how old your kids are)).

We used to prepare for Halloween when we first moved to this house. Gave up after we only got 2-3 kids a year. No one seems to go house to house anymore, they all get funneled to the sanctioned downtown street party or the school parking lot event. Now Halloween is just about the only night of the year we turn the porch light off, just in case those 2-3 kids come by on accident.

Don’t care, just give me romanceable Elcor crew member.

Now that you’re an adult with disposable income, you can pay money to relive those adolescent thrills with this vintage, scandalous, NSFW explicit filth.

I have only ever bothered getting certifications if they were a job requirement or when I was looking to pad my resume before making a move.

Ask around, your company may have some kind of tuition assistance or vouchers to cover exam fees for relevant certs.

That it exists.

As a counter-point, I’ve seen Cybertrucks out in the wild on at least 3 occasions now and each time I thought to myself, “Look at this fucking idiot.”

One time someone else was in the car with me when we passed a Cybertruck and he did point and laugh at it.

I have a Coke Zero and a water, but I almost have a water within arm’s reach.

Mid-90s, I used to stay up all night long on Fridays, watching weird cable access shows and infomercials. There was a Highlander: The Animated Series cartoon that came on around 4AM. No one ever believed me when I tried to describe it.

I wish I were more handy or had the mindset for tinkering and doing mechincal repairs. I lack the focus and spatial awareness to look at something, diagnose the problem, and effectively repair it or jury-rig a solution around it.

It was a soft landing, though.

Sure it is.

The pizza delivery driver was murdered. It will be the cat detective’s toughest case yet. This is a very meta comic.