In Fable 2 & 3 you could select the gender of your character, but that was it. Their appearance was then shaped by your karma etc. like in the first game.

The trailers have used a female hero as the stand in, which, for some reason, people have taken to mean we don’t get to choose the gender or anything.

As others have said, your pad is gone. If you’re struggling to expose the trace needed to solder, it might be easier to find out which one of those test points corresponds to the battery terminal and solder a wire to that instead.

Here’s a great resource I used to repair an Xbox one controller after destroying the pads in an attempt to replace an analogue stick.

As I understand it, their main benefit is in aiding alignment rather than for strength.