From the video starting at 41:05:

We’re all clear on the problem.

What’s the solution?

Rory got a quote for us that we’re gonna use. This is a book called The Will To Change by bell hooks. She’s one of the leading feminists. That—it writes about patriarchy. And this is a quote right here by her. It says:

By learning the arts of compartmentalization, dissimulation, and disassociation, men are able to see themselves as acting with integrity in cases where they are not. Their learned state of psychological denial is severe…Since most men have been socialized to believe that compartmentalization is a positive practice, it feels right, it feels comfortable. To practice integrity, then, is difficult; it hurts. Peck makes the crucial point: “Integrity is painful. But without it there can be no wholeness.” To be whole men must practice integrity.

One thing I think missing from this instance is a discussion about solutions to toxic masculinity and how incredibly difficult it can be to live them. It’s easy to say men need to be more emotionally available, less violent, value themselves for who they are rather than what they do and how they perform. And while this video doesn’t really demonstrate men doing that, they discuss their lived experiences and explore that difficulty. One of the guys towards the end even asks, “I hear what you’re saying. But, when I go home, how do you honestly expect me to teach this to my young son?”…or something to that effect.

I thought the documentary was interesting for really emphasizing that being a better man isn’t easy and that it may be even harder to sustain it.