I feel like I need to get this off my chest…
I started transitioning 5 years ago and at this point, I 100% pass, except for voice and a very slight beard shadow (that for some reason no one but me notices).
I feel completely scared about Lesbian spaces, and Cis women in particular. The few times I went out there (which was in the first 2 years of my transition), I’ve had horrible experiences.
It ranges from a few agonizing glances you get occasionally, up to outright comments about “this is a women only space btw”.
I’ve also often noticed how cis lesbians seem to treat me differently when it comes to romantical and sexual interest. The moment it’s revealed that I’m trans, things seem to shift. “Oh, I’ve never tried this”, “oh, that’s interesting, kinda”, quite often there’s the question about bottom surgery (“this might be a bit intimate to ask, but…”), and sometimes even outright ghosting or immediate disinterest.
I feel like this is the last, and yet hardest mountain to climb, to the point where I just feel too frustrated to even try, accepting the fact that, well… I will probably always remain a trans woman, and won’t fit in to those societies that I so heavily relate to when I can keep my pseudonimity.
And yeah, T4T is a thing, it’s pretty much the only thing I got going at this point…
Can anyone relate? Has anyone managed to overcome this hurdle?
I experience a lot less of this fear, or at least how I experience it has changed a lot. For me a core part of the fear/discomfort was related to imposter syndrome and my inability to feel completely confident in my womanhood and my identity as a queer woman. Bottom surgery was a very big part of ridding myself of that imposter syndrome. My dysphoria used to make me feel completely invalidated, and that led to feeling like there was something preventing me from accepting my womanhood. It obviously won’t be the same for everyone, and I don’t think that most people would need bottom surgery to feel comfortable in women’s spaces online and in person. But I personally do not feel that same discomfort in women’s spaces anymore. When I meet with bigotry there I feel angry more than afraid. I just in general have a lot more confidence in myself and my womanhood.
It might be imposter syndrome, now that you mention it… Funnily enough, with my bottom done 4 years ago, I also feel completely happy with my transistion and I honestly don’t even feel dysphoria anymore (except for rare instances), but yeah… this issue persists.
It kinda feels like entering these spaces makes me realize just where the differences between me as a trans woman and cis women are, those small little things that transition can’t easily or properly fix