Therapy is a vehicle, and you are the driver. You’re only going to move forward if you drive.

That being said, finding a therapist you work well with is hard, and, in my experience, takes quite a few tries before finding someone with whom you are comfortable.

My suggestion is to find someone who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and literally read this post to them. I’ve had luck using Alma to find a therapist (in the US).

I genuinely hope you are able to work through this - I’ve been there, as have many people. You can do this, and you’re not alone