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My spouse always hits me with “Do you want solutions or commiseration?”
Thankfully, they accept either choice.
I try to give a combination of both to begin with, then move one way or the other depending on how the person I’m talking to says
I don’t know if most people understand how powerful this answer is. Many boys are conditioned to be Mr fix it. Those of us that are, are trained to believe that ALL problems are our problems.
It’s powerful to hear, “this is my problem, not your problem”. It turns the whole world upside down.
Addendum: if you are repeatedly venting about a repeat problem but not never taking any steps to address it then you lose non-solution based venting privileges. Clearly you must be mistaken about not needing solutions if you aren’t finding and applying them yourself.
His girlfriend is suffering from burnout due to masking. It’s good that she trusts him enough to unmask around him.
I don’t know if I could be in a relationship with someone if I had to mask around them.
During a health episode of mine that involved a headache and inflammation, I was irritable. My spouse was trying to pull out what she did wrong. I exploded at her saying “I already said I’m barely holding jt together and irritable. It’s not you. Stop coregulating off of me”.
I only had words for that from my stint with therapy… my spouse took the day to herself and has made a good pattern when I am not her anchor. I think it has been good for both of us.
