so my brain is being really weird lately. lately i have “compulsive crushes” on people where my brain tries to force myself to fixate on them and think about them and makes me have thoughts of wanting to kiss them or date them, but it doesn’t feel natural and feels more platonic than anything…
furthermore, i have a gf (5-6 months) and nb queerplatonic partner (5-6 months) but my brain is obsessively, almost, convinced i need more when i myself am or am trying to be without my thoughts, happy with just them.
my brain also keeps telling me i don’t deserve love or happiness, i feel empty sometimes, it makes me feel bad at everything because of my neurodivergence and it keeps telling me to break up with my partners, especially my gf since we’re more romantic, and the thought won’t go away even though i don’t wanna break up.
these aren’t my thoughts. it’s calmer right now at least though.
Easier said than done, but just letting the thought pass through, saying “huh, neat, that’s a thought” and then letting it pass by can be a way to make them “go away” in a sense.
Trying to resist the thought, or conversely feed the thought gives it more attention, and it’s a spiral. It takes a LOT of practice, and it can be messy. But it’s the concept behind meditation as well, and one technique in an arsenal of many. If it doesn’t work for you, you can try something else.
Wishing you some reprieve in the meantime 🩵 /gen