When I talk to myself, sometimes I call myself my dead name, or my gender I don’t associate myself with. I am self-aware enough to know I’ve associated myself as male and [name] for thirty-seven years, but it annoys me I haven’t made that connection in my brain somewhere that yes, I’m a girl, my name is Eshe. I feel it in my soul, so why is my brain being such an ass?
The only times you have an opportunity to deadname or misgender yourself is when you’re referring to yourself in the third person. When you do that, it’s usually because you’re thinking from the perspective of someone else, right?
At least for myself, I’ve noticed a correlation between how other people (on average) are referring to me and how I am mentally referring to myself. I don’t think misgendering/deadnaming yourself is reflective of how you see you, it’s reflective of how you think the world sees you.
That’s just my hypothesis though, could be wrong.