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Joined 4 months ago
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Cake day: June 11th, 2025

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  • My dad has always been on the right and he’s a Trump voter, but he’s mostly avoided going full MAGA-proud. We have always had a tense relationship when it comes to politics and at times had very little personal relationship. Now we just avoid political discussions or keep them very high level, and it’s manageable. I talk to him a lot less than I would if he didn’t have those views. His health is declining significantly at this point so I have decided it’s not worth trying to change his mind.

    My mom is still with him and she’s leftist and we talk all the time.

    My dad’s two sisters are deep into MAGA (they were proud attendees of Trump’s first inauguration). They’ve been far-right fundamentalist Christians most, if not all, of my life, so I already had a strained relationship with them before 2016. I haven’t even tried in over a decade now. I was recently diagnosed with a chronic disease that one of them also has and I kept thinking about reaching out but ultimately decided I don’t even want her in my life for that so I haven’t bothered.



  • My company has started using a survival metaphor of air/water/food.

    • Air - “keep the lights on” work; things that will fundamentally stop the product or business (legal, compliance, security) if not done in the next year
    • Water - foundational work; tech debt is here
    • Food - strategic work, new features, experimentation

    It works because it recognizes that you need all three to survive and you have different time scales on which you can survive without them.

    We will choose not to drink water sometimes to make sure we can eat some food. But we will die if we only consume food.

    I’m on the product side and trying to buy my teams as much capacity to pay off some of our wayyyy overdue tech debt, and this metaphor has made it easier to convey where we are to my higher ups.




  • I did a bit of reading to confirm my understanding, which is that employers can pay below minimum wage when tips are regularly earned by that employee. So technically, baristas, fast food workers, counter-service workers, and the like could fall into that category, but since it’s not a cultural expectation that those employees are tipped on every transaction, I think it would be harder for an employer to justify the regularity of their tip earnings and therefore pay them less than minimum wage.

    That’s why, in my personal practice, those tips are optional and based exclusively on above-average service.

    When it comes to takeout from a restaurant, there are usually two types of places I go: 1) smaller, individually owned restaurants, or 2) large chain restaurants like the one my coworker had previously worked for.

    In the first case, I leave some tip because it’s a small business and I’ve known people who own restaurants and realize how hard a business it is. In the latter, I tip because that coworker told me that her role was paid under the assumption of her receiving tips and I realized there is a service being provided.

    Anyway, lots of people seem to be disappointed about my personal choice to tip some types of food service. I appreciate you engaging in a way that doesn’t seem judgmental or defensive.


  • I’m not clear what you’re saying the problem is. The fact that I tip because it’s expected?

    Me choosing to follow the system that was in place well before I was born isn’t the problem. The law allows for food service workers to be paid less than minimum wage. If you don’t agree with that, petition the government or boycott restaurants until they change policy; don’t stiff low-wage employees.


  • They did their job, yet our government legally allows their employers to not pay them full wages for their work and instead depend on their customers to supplement their wages. If you had a job that was legally allowed to pay you under minimum wage because it expected you to earn money in addition to that, then I would expect you’d get tips too.

    Until the laws change in a way that support food service workers better, I’m going to continue to do my part in contributing to their wages.



  • When I’m sitting down to a dinner, the bare minimum I expect is food served to my table in a reasonable time, drink refills, etc., but I tip for that service. When I’m at a bar the bare minimum I expect is to receive the drink I ordered, but I tip for that service.

    Again, as I said, I would much prefer if tipping were not a part of our culture at all. But I alone will not change that just by shortchanging low-wage employees.


  • I worked with someone who changed my mind on this. She’d worked the take-out counter at a restaurant and she talked through the kinds of steps she took to ensure the meal was correct, containers were properly sealed, and they had utensils, napkins, sauces, and all the things the customer would need or expect.

    Learning about the amount of time and care put in at that restaurant made it clear that it was a service.

    I usually give 10% at restaurants with a similar service because of her. With takeaway restaurants where you just order at a counter, though? I generally only tip if the people working were super friendly.

    I’d prefer to not have a tipping culture at all. But as long as this is the society we live in, I can afford to pay a couple extra bucks here and there to help people who generally make shit wages.




  • Usually I’ll answer product management because that’s what I do and I enjoy it (and I had no idea this career existed while I was in school), but reading this I actually think it could be a good fit for you, depending on how you feel about socializing with people.

    I have an English degree but I also worked at an IT company every summer from high school through college, doing many different jobs with an increasingly technical focus. I taught myself HTML and CSS when I was like 10, but except for one high school class of Java I never got deeper into coding than that.

    My interest in language and words combines with my technical aptitude in product management. I usually describe it as a job of translation, because I have to work with customers, internal users, business leaders, designers, and developers, and I need to be able to talk to and listen to all of them and understand their context well enough to translate to the other groups. I might need to tell the exact same story half a dozen completely different ways depending on my audience.

    There are lots of different approaches to product management and every company does it differently, but some of the critical skills are being able to identify and deeply understand problems (of the business, of customers, etc.) and propose solutions to those problems.

    It sounds like you have some technical aptitude but also interest in language and story telling (and a big part of product management is writing what are literally called “user stories”), so if you don’t mind the people interactions, it might work for you too.

    I’ve been on or involved with Product teams for about 10 years now and had an actual Product Manager title for over 6, managing a team of PMs for the last 3. I feel like I found it by accident but I totally lucked into a career I actually love, so I’m happy to talk to people about it any time!