“Carpenter Shih went to Ch’i and, when he got to Crooked Shaft, he saw a serrate oak standing by the village shrine. It was broad enough to shelter several thousand oxen and measured a hundred spans around, towering above the hills. The lowest branches were eighty feet from the ground, and a dozen or so of them could have been made into boats. There were so many sightseers that the place looked like a fair, but the carpenter didn’t even glance around and went on his way without stopping.

His apprentice stood staring for a long time and then ran after Carpenter Shih and said, “Since I first took up my ax and followed you, Master, I have never seen timber as beautiful as this. But you don’t even bother to look, and go right on without stopping. Why is that?”

“Forget it—say no more!” said the carpenter. “It’s a worthless tree! Make boats out of it and they’d sink; make coffins and they’d rot in no time; make vessels and they’d break at once. Use it for doors and it would sweat sap like pine; use it for posts and the worms would eat them up. It’s not a timber tree—there’s nothing it can be used for. That’s how it got to be that old!”

After Carpenter Shih had returned home, the oak tree appeared to him in a dream and said, “What are you comparing me with? Are you comparing me with those useful trees? The cherry apple, the pear, the orange, the citron, the rest of those fructiferous trees and shrubs—as soon as their fruit is ripe, they are torn apart and subjected to abuse. Their big limbs are broken off, their little limbs are yanked around. Their utility makes life miserable for them, and so they don’t get to finish out the years Heaven gave them, but are cut off in mid-journey. They bring it on themselves—the pulling and tearing of the common mob. And it’s the same way with all other things.

“As for me, I’ve been trying a long time to be of no use, and though I almost died, I’ve finally got it. This is of great use to me. If I had been of some use, would I ever have grown this large? Moreover, you and I are both of us things. What’s the point of this—things condemning things? You, a worthless man about to die—how do you know I’m a worthless tree?”

Makes 3-4 servings

Ingredients:
? Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
? 1 pound pasta, such as spaghetti, linguine or bucatini (note to self, try bucatini next time you cook this)
? 1/4 cup olive oil
? 1/4 pound pancetta (or in a pinch, bacon), chopped
? 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
? 5-6 cloves garlic, chopped (1 T minced if lazy like me. I like to use multiple garlics (dried and minced, for example) in my signature pasta sauce, but your goal is to sauté, not burn, the garlic)
? 1/2 cup dry white wine (if needing to skip alcohol, use water. Broth changes the flavor and most store bought grape juice is too sweet)
? 3 large egg yolks (I remember doing this with 2. Or 1. I’m not getting up to check my actual recipe. I just copied the one I used before I adjusted it.)
? Freshly grated Romano cheese
? A handful of flat leaf parsley, finely chopped, for garnish (if using dried, just sprinkle a little on)

Special equipment:
? A wide, shallow pan. Mine is 14 inches diameter, three inches tall. And doesn’t fit in the dishwasher. A second, similar sized pan with make boiling the pasta easier, but is not necessary.

Directions:

Prepare your mise en place. This recipe has a lot of moving parts at the same time and it’s easier to cook with two. Which makes it a great date night dinner. You want the pasta done at the same time the bacon/pepper/garlic is done sauteeing. When you’ve got the recipe down, after the mise en place and water is boiling it should take around ten minutes.

Put a large saucepot of salted water on to boil. Add the pasta. Cook to al dente, about 8 minutes.

Assuming you’re cooking the pasta 8 minutes, start this cooking the pancetta 2 minutes into the pasta boiling. Don’t burn it, you will know the pan is ready when the pancetta sizzles lightly. It takes 5-6 minutes once the pancetta is in. Heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add the olive oil (enough to coat bottom of the pan) and pancetta. Brown the pancetta for 2 minutes. Add the red pepper flakes and garlic and cook for 2-3 minutes more. Deglaze with wine and stir up all the pan drippings.

About halfway through boiling the pasta, temper the eggs: In a separate bowl, beat the egg yolks, then add 1 large ladleful (about 1/2 cup) of the starchy cooking water. This tempers the eggs and keeps them from scrambling when added to the pasta.

Drain the pasta well and add it directly to the skillet with pancetta and oil. Begin tossing/flipping the pasta (to coat it first in oil). Slowly pour the egg mixture over the pasta. Toss rapidly to coat the pasta without cooking the egg. Remove the pan from the heat and add a big handful of cheese, lots of black or white pepper (really wherever your mood takes you) and a little salt. Continue to toss and turn the pasta until it soaks up the egg mixture and thickens, 1-2 minutes. Garnish with parsley and extra grated Romano.

Eat directly out of the pan.