So, I’m not sure if this sounds strange, but my partner has, with increasing frequency, started talking and acting like she’s a kid–probably around 5.
She never did this when she first started dating. It wasn’t until about 6 months in that some early signs showed up, and now, a full year on, she’s in kid mode most of the time we’re together. Change of voice, intentionally mispronounced words, asking me for permission to do menial tasks, grabbing food off my fork as I’m trying to eat “because it tastes better when it comes from mine,” etc.
At first, I put it off as her being goofy, but as time went on, I’ve gotten more and more worn out with it. I feel like I’m taking on a parental role, rather than one of a romantic partner. It’s coloring my view of her and I don’t know what to do.
I’ve gently talked to her about it, mainly when she’s acting ‘normal’. Her explanations, when asked about her behavior are a mixture of “I’m not aware that I’ve been doing it” and “I enjoy it sometimes”.
That’s kind of a conflicting and hard to unpack explanation, you know? I don’t know if she’s dissociating or consciously doing it.
I love her so, so much, but I’m increasingly worried that the woman I started dating isn’t here most of the time.
How would you approach this? It’s clearly something intimate and sensitive to her, and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
I don’t know about your wife, but my mom started doing this 30 years ago, as she was uncovering childhood trauma. It eventually went away, after a lot of therapy. Wasn’t a fun time.
I hope in your case it’s a very different scenario.
I was wondering if it was something like that. Like maybe she finally feels secure/safe enough to start dealing with childhood trauma and it’s presenting in this way.
It seems like a form of age-play.
Age-play is a kink where an adult enjoys some of the pleasures of being child-like. This may or may not be sexual.
However, what she’s doing is involving you in her play without your consent. That’s a big no-no in most kink-like relationships.
My advice is that you both do some research on reputable kink-sites around the nature of kink in general, and then (and only then) explore and read about age-play. I say this because like most kinks there’s a lot of missinformation out there.
Once you’ve done both done some reading, it’s time to open up a proper dialogue around this issue. Part of that dialog will have to be how important this is to both/either of you.
You may be able to ‘scene’ together- that is, have a defined start/end time to this kind of play. It may well be that there are other ways that your partner can fulfill this need, and hopefully your research will have helped you put together some of these. Not everything needs to be fulfilled by the partner. Or, you may find that you have clashing red-lines. That is, it’s something you can’t do, but something she needs, and you can’t find your own compromises.
At that point, you may need a kink-friendly couples therapist. A good one will help you work out how to make this work for you, and ask the equality important questions about what you need.
Do you research well, but do point out that all kink must be confidential.
I was going to say this, but as another commenter pointed out, she may be unpacking some trauma. Maybe figure out which of the two it is first. If it was age play I think she would be more conscious about it.
Given that this started happening WELL into your relationship, I’d say it is tied to a comfort she feels with you.
Whether that comfort is allowing her to “open up” about childhood trauma or about a kink/fetish she has, I can’t say.
Talk to her about this more in depth, let her know you REALLY care, and if you need to help her get therapy for whatever she is going through.
Get her to a therapist. This isn’t healthy behavior. If she refuses, leave.
I’ve gently talked to her about it, mainly when she’s acting ‘normal’. Her explanations, when asked about her behavior are a mixture of “I’m not aware that I’ve been doing it” and “I enjoy it sometimes”.
If she is genuinely not aware then something isn’t right - behavioural changes could be a medical issue, so he needs to see someone about it.
You probably also need to be firmer and more explicit about this behaviour - tell her you don’t like it and it is worrying you.
This is surprisingly often a symptom of personality disorders. Look those up (there are like 10 of them) and see of one fits really well. If it’s the case, therapy would be my advice.
Her explanations, when asked about her behavior are a mixture of “I’m not aware that I’ve been doing it” and “I enjoy it sometimes”.
As you say, this is conflicting. So Digg deeper. Perhaps record it if she insists that she is (sometimes) not aware of it.
Can’t tell if joke. If not, could be a fetish, or could be something which might need a mental health professional. Defer to professionals.
It’s definitely not a joke. I’m serious and worried about her behavior over the past few months. It sounds odd, and that’s exactly why I decided to go here to try to figure out what to do next.
So definitely defer to a mental health professional if you can’t just have an open and honest conversation about it. Might just be a fetish fun thing for her.
Maybe couples therapy
Do they watch a lot of Tiktok etc?
Yeah, well more like YouTube shorts, but basically the same content. Why do you ask?
There’s been a weird trend on these platforms for a while where users talk in childlike voices. I sincerely believe that these short-form video platforms are not good for your brain at all.
I suggest you avoid short-form video apps entirely. There is a correlation between reduced interest in learning/ADHD and Short form video formats 1 2 3. When you use sites like Lemmy and actively read, you are at least becoming a better reader and critical thinker. Short form video shows you fast-paced content tailored to you that’s designed to keep you addicted and entranced. From what I’ve seen firsthand, once people start using these platforms they have a hard time stopping.
(Edit: my sources didn’t link when I quoted them. It’s in my comment history if you want to do some research) My SO is working on reading articles instead of videos like Tiktok. When I bring this up people tell me it’s a conspiracy (ironically it’s only the people that watch short-form video) so talking to your SO about it will be difficult. The best thing you can do is talk to your partner- that’s your number one tool for making relationships last.
Well, daddy, there’s really only a few choices.
You accept it as a sign that she’s comfortable enough and confident enough with you to be herself all the way.
You run for the hills because it isn’t something you can handle.
You lay out that it’s a dealbreaker for you (and it seems like it is from the way you wrote things), and attempt to work it out.
I guess you can add making an ultimatum about it, but if you go there, you might as well just run for the hills because it’s already over. Besides, ultimatums are for addictions and severe circumstances, not just weird shit.
But, unless you think you can just accept it fully, you gotta be more proactive in deciding explaining that it’s a problem for you. Trying to hang back and understand is great if the goal is moving to acceptance. Otherwise, it’s putting off the hard stuff and making it harder.
