I got a COVID infection a while ago that permanently disabled me pretty bad. Bedridden, unable to move much, etc.

The thing that really helped me was relaxing and listening to music. Thatā€™s what I spent my days doing as I couldnā€™t do much else. I became a real music nerd and just loved the bliss of hearing music.

A little later (two years). I got another COVID infection ā€” I was taking very strong precautions, and couldnā€™t see anyone. It turns out I got it from my doctor. Anyways, this infection caused some brain damage which has caused me to mostly loose the ability to hear. And now Iā€™m still mostly motionless alone in bed, but I havenā€™t even got the comfort of sound or music. Just a mostly silent (tinnitus filled) world.

Iā€™m so scared of getting covid again. But mostly I miss the world and my old life. Being stuck alone in bed with only the internet for company sucks. People tend to be arseholes online. I canā€™t help but feel I got ā€œnatural selectionedā€. Me and my wife were planning on having kids soon. Now I barely see her and Iā€™m going to slowly die in a nursing home. There are specific genetic vulnerabilities to illnesses, and natural selection works with them (see what Europeans coming to America did). And I got fucked here. COVID was my end.

  • LouNeko@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    It absolutely sucks that this happened to you, I would literary not wish your fate on anybody in the world. I wonā€™t use this to tell my own sob story, but have you tried getting into video games? Most have accessibility features. Get ā€œFactorioā€ it basically runs on a potato and you will unironicaly forget what the sun looks like. Sound is not important either.

  • TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
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    7 hours ago

    Covid was an ugly part of the world. Music was a beautiful part of the world.

    is there are beauty left?

  • Rentlar@lemmy.ca
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    22 hours ago

    Iā€™m sorry for your loss of the lifestyle you cherished. Just a random thought: If hearing aids wonā€™t work for you, you could try feeling music instead of hearing it, while it wonā€™t be the same, sensing the underlying beat could help evoke your imagination again and possibly help you rediscover your favourite tunes and new ones.

    Definitely the internet is a mixed bag, with lots of doom and gloom, and more cynical and controversial takes elevated to the top. There are also corners of the internet that are positive, definitely go visit them more. Reading fiction and learning from non-fiction literature may be more of a personal comfort than the internet may be.

  • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet@lemmy.world
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    24 hours ago

    The internet is a poor companion these days. I didnā€™t even know that covid could do such things to you. That is awful. Iā€™m really sorry to hear about your situation. Are you able to use hearing aids? Theyā€™ll change your life for the better. Costco has pretty affordable top of the line hearing aids, respectively. Get an evaluation and find out!

  • RagnarokOnline@programming.dev
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    23 hours ago

    You have had a major loss.

    Iā€™m glad you are still with us to share this story. You wrote in such a clear and eloquent way; itā€™s clear you cared very much about us that you took the time to communicate effectively.

    My father is currently in a nursing home (just for normal end of life stuff). He was a deadbeat most of my life and treated his health really poorly.

    Itā€™s cruel that he was able to live the way he did and live for so long, while youā€™ve done nothing to ā€œearnā€ your maladies; yet, youā€™re both in a similar situation (except no one wants to go see him, because of him being a PoS for most of his life). You donā€™t seem like a deadbeat or a PoS, so as far as Iā€™m concerned, you win.

    I hope things turn around completely for you and youā€™re restored back to full health.

  • inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
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    23 hours ago

    Nothing but feels for you friend, thatā€™s rough and I canā€™t imagine what it must be like. I too am coming to grips with my own disabilities, a spine injury putting me into a wheelchair. Losing a sense on top of everything else you mentioned is horrific.

    If I may be so bold, I found a lot of peace, zen and understanding in the book ā€œWhat doesnā€™t kill youā€. I recently finished and it was incredibly gratifying to read about how other people struggle with life changing medical events.

    • TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
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      7 hours ago

      someone tells you major life altering loss and grief from two years ago, donā€™t try to offer solutions to fix the problem.

    • Dubiousx99@lemmy.world
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      23 hours ago

      I would suspect they would not work. The damage from Covid appears to be neurological and bone conducting headphones only bypass the mechanical components of the ear.

  • boatswain@infosec.pub
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    23 hours ago

    There are corners of the Internet still out there where you can find some really great people to hang out with; like 70% of my friend group is people who all meet through online games. We get together in person weekly or so now but still regularly play games together and hang out. I know itā€™s no replacement for all youā€™ve lost, but maybe playing games with friends could be some comfort? Or some other hobby or interest group that can be engaged with online?

  • DarkCloud@lemmy.world
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    22 hours ago

    I got COVID related tinnitus, avoiding beans, and certain soy based oils helps slightly, but itā€™s not consistent.

    I stay healthy by doing painful amounts of exercise each day even if it feels like itā€™s killing me. It often feels like dying, and sometimes makes me very depressed (all my energy going into it, and being unable to think clearly after). But pushing my exercise limits every day, taking at most one day a week off for rest/recovery has helped.

  • dohpaz42@lemmy.world
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    23 hours ago

    I donā€™t know your circumstances, or what youā€™ve tried or can try, but you could look into cochlea implants.

    And while nothing about this is ideal or easy, I hope you are able to find your way to heal and rebuild from this trauma. Grieve. Youā€™ve lost a lot. But please donā€™t give up on yourself (or your wife) quite yet.

  • The Snark Urge@lemmy.world
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    23 hours ago

    Thatā€™s just rotten luck. You feel like your life has ended, and I can see why. But it hasnā€™t. Thereā€™s more strength in you than you know, even still.

    If you have a favorite song, have you tried going to a lyrics site and imagining the song as you read? Itā€™s not as good as the real thing, but maybe itā€™s a way to keep those songs alive in your heart.

  • glizzyguzzler@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    22 hours ago

    Fucking sucks but it was impactful to read your story. Iā€™m guessing youā€™re properly deep in the supplement community, but if you want to chat about them lmk

  • FlihpFlorp@lemm.ee
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    23 hours ago

    Iā€™m so sorry to hear that. I donā€™t really have any advice but youā€™ll be in my thoughts OP, I hope you get better

  • kitnaht@lemmy.world
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    24 hours ago

    Did you get vaccinated? Please say you did, and that you werenā€™t one of the dumb ones falling for all this bullshit. The vaccines, even if they donā€™t keep you from falling ill - greatly reduce the effects of Long-Covid, and the problems they cause with the body.

    • inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
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      23 hours ago

      This is 100% inappropriate to ask. While I am also very pro-vaccine and frustrated at the anti-vaccine movement, youā€™re talking to some who is grieving the loss of a major part of their life. Saying all this is on par with ā€œDid your mom X with youā€ or ā€œThis wouldnā€™t have happened if you didnā€™t Y so muchā€ to explain disabilities. No one owes you their medical history and shame on you for asking. Youā€™re fishing to put personal blame on to someone so you can get a sense of smug schadenfreude from another suffering. Letā€™s say the answer is yes, are you truly here to do a victory lap?

      • kitnaht@lemmy.world
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        23 hours ago

        Letā€™s say the answer is yes, are you truly here to do a victory lap?

        Yep. And if the answer is no, then Iā€™ll offer my condolences and probably do some research to see what opportunities for treatment they have available - so that I can help in the way I know best.

        • TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
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          7 hours ago

          what a smug piece of shit. not just because you want to gloat at anotherā€™s suffering, but because you are fucking arrogant enough to this that you can help find a solution to a problem OP has had for years.

          Do you really think that OP is that much of an idiot that it took them two years to find some random asshole on lemmy to Google shit for them?

          You need to do some introspection, holy shit

          • kitnaht@lemmy.world
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            5 hours ago

            I have helped find solutions for a handful of peopleā€™s medical issues over the years.

            Iā€™ve found doctors often donā€™t care to do this research themselves. You too can help; as someone who cares about this stuff often times a patientā€™s best hope is usually a family-member who is diligent in asking questions and educating themselves further.

            So piss off, internet armchair expert. Doctors arenā€™t infallable as you may think; and Iā€™ve known plenty to simply donā€™t give 2 shits and do not look further into stuff such as this.

        • inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
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          23 hours ago

          Yep.

          Well that is just an outright cruelty. Fucking stop.

          And if the answer is no, then Iā€™ll offer my condolences

          Do that anyways.

          probably do some research to see what opportunities for treatment they have available

          Holy shit donā€™t. This post isnā€™t your personal call to action. OPā€™s doctors know far more about their treatment than some rando online. OP is venting, not asking for your personal medical advice.

          Please, try to understand what you are doing here is harmful, not help and learn how the disabled community is begging people to stop saying these things.

    • dohpaz42@lemmy.world
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      23 hours ago

      OP has lost their hearing, is bed-ridden, and has lost their future plans. And here you are kicking them while theyā€™re down. There is absolutely nothing appropriate with anything you just said in your comment.

        • dohpaz42@lemmy.world
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          23 hours ago

          There is absolutely everything appropriate with it.

          If I gouge out my eyes, and then complain to everyone Iā€™m sad now that Iā€™m blind, Iā€™m the one to blame for it. Why would anyone feel pity for me?

          Honestly, you sound as bad as those anti-vaxxers, sitting all high and mighty on your throne of shit. You think youā€™re better than OP because how dare anybody get sick if they were smart enough to get vaccinated like you. Your world is so black and white you cannot possibly fathom any grey in between. Itā€™s ideologies like yours that hurt the rest of us the most.

      • kitnaht@lemmy.world
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        23 hours ago

        If they fell for it, then theyā€™ve effectively destroyed their own life. Iā€™m not going to be sympathetic towards antivaxxers. The whole world worked as fast as possible to get people protected. If this person then rejected all of that work, all of that effort, and ended up like this? ā€“ Then they did it to themselves.

        • dohpaz42@lemmy.world
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          23 hours ago

          You donā€™t have to be sympathetic. You also donā€™t have to be an asshole and rub it in. You know nothing about this person, and yet youā€™re so quick to pass judgement. I pity you more than I pity OP.

          • kitnaht@lemmy.world
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            23 hours ago

            You should probably pity OP more. They lost the genetic lottery on this one. I havenā€™t had COVID. Iā€™ve been actually harassed and bullied because of the protections I took.

            So fuck antivaxxers.