• pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      11 days ago

      That is one of the reasons I havenā€™t killed myself yet

      • It would make people I hate happy
      • It would hurt my parents and sister
      • Iā€™m too much of a lazy piece of shit to set up a will to leave money to friends who need it
      • Itā€™s way too many notes to write
      • Doing it painlessly and panic-lessly requires work and setup that Iā€™m too much of a lazy piece of shit to do
      • Zoop@beehaw.org
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        11 days ago

        I feel you there on most of that. (Except for the money thing, Iā€™m disabled, chronically ill, unable to work, and canā€™t get a shred of monetary support from the shit government, so Iā€™m hilariously broke and have literally zero money lmao)

        Another reason for me, that you may also care about and want to add to your list, is that no matter what method I use or how I go about it, someone will have to find a body (or remnants of one) and will likely be traumatizedā€¦ I just canā€™t bring myself to do that to someone. I wouldnā€™t be able to make it to where only someone who deserves the worst would find it.

        I mostly just wish I could make it to where I never was born or existed in the first place, ya know?

        Idk, it probably doesnā€™t really help to know that youā€™re not the only one feeling this way, but I thought Iā€™d say something just in case. If Iā€™m gonna be forced to exist, I wanna try to help people however I can when Iā€™m able and have the energy and my useless, broken brain and body let me and everything.

        Youā€™re not alone and Iā€™m so fucking sorry youā€™re feeling this way. Iā€™m sorry youā€™ve gotta live and exist when you donā€™t want to. I know how much it sucks. Itā€™s miserable and Iā€™m sorry. I hope things improve for you somehow very soon. Internet hugs to you, if you want them. šŸ«‚