Atheists: what are some good comforting words to use in place of religious/metaphysical crap like this or thoughts and prayers?
Talking in terms of hope or wishing them luck is a good substitute. Serves the same purpose, but doesn’t carry the god baggage. It also has the extra benefit of sounding more sincere, since it’s just non-standard enough to give the impression that you actually put thought into your well-wishes without sounding seriously unusual.
My go-to is actually variations of “I have faith in you” and then encourage them based on whichever one of their strengths is most applicable. For example: “You’re smart. I have faith that you’ll spot whatever opportunity presents itself next.”
And of course, there is the classic atheist thing of replacing the thoughts and prayers with actual help. A lot of the instances where thoughts and prayers are actually appropriate include times where they need emotional support, which costs nothing but time and energy.
The most comforting thing you can generally offer someone is presence and acknowledgment in my experience as an atheist nurse. The whole point of platitudes being looked down on is that they’re generally seen as insincere.
If I were dying, or lost my job, or had a bereavement; I would find any one of these to be incredibly comforting:
May the force be with you
Live long and prosper
Here’s looking at you kid
My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get
You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain
Cowabanga
Apes together strong
If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you’re already dead.
You have my sword, and my bow, and my axe.
Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.
I live my life a quarter mile at a time.
I’ll be back
Which would be worse, to live a monster or to die a good man
Thanks! I’m saving this in my notes for future reference!
I wish you the best.
I wish you a lot of strength to get through the situation.
Classics! Work well for most things.
Comforting people with your voice is a form of magic and atheists don’t believe in magic, so they haven’t developed any incantations.
Nah, comforting people is a form of social interaction. We are social animals and that helps us to survive bad situations. No magic in that.
Social interaction is magic. You have an organ for creating special waves that transmit your thoughts into other people’s heads? That’s just telepathy. Language is a superpower. And it only works because everyone believes a bunch of vibrating air molecules can have meaning, which is some spiritual woo-woo.
“I know things are bad now, but I can 100% guarantee you won’t got to Hell when you die.”
We need to think of some then!
How about:
“On average, the chances of you dying in the next week are only .01%, so buck up!”
This actually sounds great.
My reaction to your good vibes.
That’s how I imagine them being sent when I say it. Glad we’re on the same page
Prismatic Spray. That shit didn’t fuck around.
I didn’t know there were other care-creatures besides bears
The Care Bear Cousins was a spinoff that didn’t last long but made an impression.
Care cousins call!
The care Bears movie was most illuminating in that regard. Tenderheart Bear has a cousin: Lionheart Bear.
I was a kid in the 80s, during that sweet spot of Care Beardom.
You can’t see it, but I am giving you an absolutely fierce Care-Bear Stare!
Daddy, that person is Staring at me
still more real than thoughts and prayers
They’re totally pissing.
That group of Goth Care Bears blasting out black light
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQ4abo1IiB4
Sending my love, what a wonderful feeling
